Goals of the New Year

If you’ve been following me for some time, you should know by now that I have never been a fan of the concept of New Year Resolutions. I have always believed that the “new year, new me” concept was quite cheesy because it lacks vision and direction. It’s so easy for us to say what we want to do but if we aren’t visualizing it and being realistic about the steps that we are going to take to achieve it, what is the point? I prefer to set New Year’s goals and deliberately plan them out, so I can actually hold myself accountable for accomplishing the goal.  It’s the same as trying to harvest fruit, the fruit won’t grow if all you do is plant the seed; you must nurture the soil and clear the area of weeds. Every year people set resolutions that most of time end up failing because they really aren’t teasing it apart. It is so easy to say that you are going to lose weight, eat healthier, make varsity, save money etc.; when you’re not accounting for everything that you need to do to achieve it. You’ve got to put energy into the right direction and rid yourself of habits that are going to prevent you from achieving your goal. We fail to achieve our resolutions because we aren’t accounting for the whole process it’s going to take to get there. 

Below is an activity to help make your goals more achievable, so you can have the year that you are wishing for. This activity is also helpful for those previous resolutions or goals that you have set that you are having a hard time achieving, you may be missing something and need to reevaluate the route you’re taking. Take some time to write it down and really reflect and visualize as you set your intentions for this upcoming year.

  1. What are you trying to achieve? This can be how you would normally state your resolution but it will be more effective if you try to be as specific as possible.
  1. Why is this goal important to you? Why does it matter if you accomplish this goal? What happens if you don’t?
  1. What is something that can get in your way of achieving your goal? What is going to be your contingency plan if it comes up? Often, we fail to achieve our goals because we don’t know how to handle obstacles, this allows us to have a plan before the challenge even arises.
  1. What are 3-5 steps that you can take to achieve your goal?

            Make these steps are SMART, this meaning

           S-Specific: Detailed as possible

           M-Measurable: Quantitative

           A-Action focused: Focusing on what you will do vs what you won’t do

          R- Realistic: This is individualized but must be realistic for you to accomplish

          T- Time bound: This prevents procrastination, give yourself a deadline to achieve each step

  1. What are you going to tell yourself when you start to lose motivation or it’s getting harder than you expected?

The more you can accurately visualize what it’s going to take to achieve your goals the more successful you’re going to be. Repeat for each goal that you want to accomplish moving forward. Happy New Year, here’s to this being a year of growth for all of us.

Motivation Monday

Like most of our society, I love social media and often find myself intrigued by social media trends. One that captivated my attention for a while was Motivation Monday. Mondays are tough, and sometimes we need just a little bit of an extra push to keep us going with our routines. Motivation Monday attempts to be that push. When you follow the hashtag you’re overwhelmed with almost identical quotes to try and convince you to stay motivated. While there is a lot of great quotes and power statements, unfortunately some are just not true and following them can hinder your progress. I’ve picked out a few of the most popular myths circulating the internet.


More like “step one: set goals, step two, step three, step eighteen: finally made”. If goal achievement was so easy we wouldn’t have to formally set a goal to get there, we would just do it. Goal achievement is hard  and sometimes its messy and sometimes we even have to start over. To foolishly trick ourselves into believing that all we have to do is start is more harmful to achieving the goal then helpful. If you believe that you just have to get started you’re more likely to quit when it starts to get hard or you’re not getting results as fast as you want.


While comparing yourself to others can harm your progress, it can also help. One of the most important components to having a growth mindset is feeling inspired by others. If we are comparing ourselves AND using that to promote change and motivate us, we are allowing it work in our advantage. A helpful tip for improvement is asking others what they are doing to see success and then implementing that to your routine. Comparing is one of the reasons that teams watch their opponents film. Now if you are sitting around moping about how you will never be as successful as someone else or trying to become exactly like them, then that’s where this quote comes into play.


This quote gives the wrong impression that one must never take time off and we know that rest is important to progress. I’m not saying that just because you aren’t see the results you want you should stop or stop because you don’t want to do it. I am saying, however, that you need to listen to your body and if it needs time off, even if it’s more than you’d like, you need to take it so your body can recover. You also want to rest to avoid burnout. We don’t talk about burnout enough and part of the reason its experienced is because we aren’t taking time off. Listen to your body and know the difference between it actually being tired and you making excuses because you don’t want to do it.

These are just a few of the problematic posts making their way through our timelines and I’m hoping to tackle more on a more regular basis.


Coaches, It’s A New Season


Dear Coaches,

Every new season brings new team dynamics, new players and new beginnings. It’s easy to get caught up in everything that happened before and carry that into the new year. That makes sense considering it is your last experience, but boy is that thought process counterproductive. No season will be the same as the last, I mean honestly look at any professional team and you can see that. So, when a new season begins it’s so important to make sure that you and your team start on the right foot so that everyone knows that it’s a fresh start. How do you do that? Here are a few tips to allow the start of the season to set the tone that you want.


Get to know your players and their off season:

If you have new players get to know not only them as a person but what motivates them and what their experience is. Ask them what they like and don’t like, why they play and what they respond best to. If you have returning players ask them what they did in the off season, it’s important to know if they’ve been sitting around doing nothing or dedicated the time away to get better. Ask about major life events, especially ones that can distract from their focus.


Set your expectations:

They need to know what you expect from them as individuals but also as a team. Some coaches have their players sign contracts that lay out the rules up front, which is a great way to make sure that they are being held accountable and have a standard all season. Also notify parents of these expectations because if they are younger players their parents are agreeing to these expectations too.


Let them tell you their expectations of you:

To be a good coach and to have a successful season you need to know what your athletes want and expect out of you. There needs to be mutual respect, not just because of your role, but because they feel like they are getting what they need from the experience and they can have open communication. This goes back to knowing your players as well, knowing what they expect from you is going to help you coach them more effectively and ultimately be more successful.


Team Goal Setting:

This encompasses everything above and one more added factor, it allows for the players to be accountable for themselves and each other. When you correctly set goals as a team everyone is agreeing to adhere to those stepping stones to reach the result. So, if a player falls out of line or is not meeting that standard the other players can motivate them to get back on track. It also sets a more defined expectation with some autonomy because they are not being told what to do but are a part of deciding what needs to be done.

Falling Short of Perfection


I am extremely hard on myself when it comes to assessing my performances. Hard on myself to the point that any type of feedback used to automatically be interpreted as failure and I would dwell on that moment for days or instantly want to go into hiding from embarrassment. I would become obsessed with remembering every mistake that I made and could often give myself feedback harder than anyone on the outside. These feelings and reaction to falling short of our own expectations of ourselves are normal. For some it maybe the belief that they aren’t good enough for me however that wasn’t the case. For me it wasn’t that I believed that I wasn’t capable of completing the task or should be performing a that level, it was the feeling that anything less than my expectation of perfect was not good enough. It took me awhile however to realize that I was always setting unrealistic standards for what my performance should look like, no mistakes where ever allowed and even if I couldn’t name a specific mistake it still wasn’t good enough.

It would be a lie to say that I never feel like I’m not doing good enough anymore, but I have become better at myself assessment and coping with falling short of my expectations. It’s okay to want to do better but its not okay to beat yourself up when something is not perfect.

Here are a few tips for how I cope with not meeting my own standards of perfection:


  1. I set boundaries of when I will accept feedback. If I am in the moment I need to be focused on the moment and not on all the things that aren’t going right. I tell my team to give me feedback on breaks, only if it’s something I can immediately implement, if it is not, please wait until I am done and have a had a few minutes to reflect for myself. I will always take the feedback, but it just has to be the right time and right place for me to be most accepting and open to it.
  2. After a performance where I don’t feel like I’ve done my best I interpret the next chance as a challenge not a threat. I challenge myself to improve on at least 20% of the negative feedback that I received from the previous attempt instead of letting the fear of repeating all the negative to sink in. I write down goals and challenge myself to meet them, whether that’s improving on that 20% or repeating a sustain from the last time. Usually a combination of the both.
  3. I learn from my mistakes. We all make mistakes but learning from them is growth. If we realize we did something ineffective we need to be deliberate at trying not to repeat the same bad habit. If we aren’t actually putting in the work to improve we can’t be mad when it goes wrong.
  4. I force myself to find a sustain. Sometimes this is the hardest part and talking to someone who didn’t witness it can really help because they are unbiased. Yes, hearing sustains from others is helpful because they have an outside perspective but can allow ourselves to interpret that however we want but when we are giving ourselves the sustains its solid and we will actually believe it .
  5. It is easier said than done to accept where our skill level really is and not just focusing on where we want it to be. If it is my first time or I’m still new at a performance or task, its self-sabotage to expect myself to never make a mistake. Enjoy the process of mastery don’t expect yourself to ever meet the destination.

Qualities of a Great Teammate

When I work with teams, they always want to know how to make the team better, obviously. The truth is, however, before a team can get better as a whole, the players, as individuals, must learn how to be a good teammate. For a team to be successful, a group of individuals must learn to work as a unit and build unbreakable trust. They must respect each other and put their egos aside so that the entire team can thrive. To have a great team, you must first be a great teammate and the rest will fall into place.

Here are some of the most important qualities of a great teammate.


A great teammate:


  1. Takes responsibility– When things go wrong do not blame others for the shortcoming, you look them in the eye and admit to your faults. Admitting your faults makes it more likely your team will continue to trust you and give you a fair amount of opportunities.
  2. Listens and learns– Know when to keep your mouth shut and just hear what everyone else is saying. Listen to understand, do not listen to respond. Knowing how to receive feedback is a huge part of growth.
  3. Communicates- If you need something say something, if you see something speak up. Nothing can get accomplished if no one is communicating their plan, needs or concerns effectively. Keep in mind there is a right time and right place for important conversations, so that just like you need to listen, your athlete can listen to you as well.
  4. Knows their role– Don’t step on each other toes. If someone is the lead or captain let them play their role. If it is not your position, try your best to not overstep your boundaries. This shows your teammates that you have trust in their abilities to get the job done and doesn’t seem condescending.
  5. Has their teammates back– Do not publicly speak bad about other teammates especially when they are not around. When they are being attacked step up for them and support them.
  6. Committed to the team– When you are on a team, that team should have your loyalty. A great teammate does not speak down or negatively of their team to others and constantly brings their best foot forward every day. For a team to be successful each member needs to bring 100% every day.
  7. Is confident– Not only do you have to believe in your team but individually you need to believe in yourself. Confidence can be contagious, but not only that, how do you expect others to believe in you when you don’t even believe in yourself.
  8. Knows when to fall back– Sometimes you must allow for others to shine even if that means stepping back. Sometimes your opinions don’t matter and sometimes it is not about you so allow others to have the spotlight.
  9. Knows how to have fun– All work and no play leads to burnout, know how to lighten the mood and enjoy what you’re doing. Positive emotions and energy is contagious and will spread throughout the team. Enjoying what you’re doing allows for you to enter flow faster and from there everything just starts to click.
  10. Knows their teammates– A good teammate knows the strengths of their teammates but are also aware of where they may fall short and can be ready to step in and help. They also know the best ways to show appreciation to their teammates and can be attuned to their needs.





Dear Draftee


Dear Draftee,


This honestly must be the most exciting time of year for me. Draft season brings a certain  amount of excitement and anxiety for every sport fan, that to me is only matched the morning of the championship game. No one however, faces as much excitement and anxiety as the prospects and their families. To so many this has been a dream that they have had their entire lives and they are so close to that dream becoming reality, so close to their lives changing forever. Every day you look on social media your notifications are overflowed with fans and haters making predictions of where you will (or will not) end up and while you keep an unfazed face, it’s hard to not let all those comments go to heart to some extent. So, my advice to you is to not care at all. I know that sounds much easier said than done and you probably think I’m crazy but the point is it doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter what number you are drafted and it doesn’t matter where you go, all that truly matters is what you do once you get to that destination. We all know athletes who went first and never amounted to anything and we all can name athletes who became some of the greatest of all time ( Kobe Bryant, Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers) and they were nowhere near the top draft picks. What is important and what you do need to focus on are the following two things:

  1. What you will do once you get there:

Just because a team has picked you that does not mean that countless hours of work and dedication end. In fact, they are just beginning, the grind really starts now and now is the time to prove what you can do. The world is now watching, they want to be you and it is up to you to show them why you are where you are. Even when things aren’t going as planned you cannot stop striving for the top spot. The difference between those who change the game and those who disappear is the ability to overcome and keep pushing. For some of you, you have always been the best and it could be a rude awakening that now you are tiny fish in ocean full of sharks, DO NOT GIVE UP, WORK HARDER. Wherever you go there are people behind you that believe in you and want you to grow and dominate and be grateful in that. You will end up where the most growth and biggest lessons will occur, so trust the process.

  1. What is your motivation to continue playing:

I’ve discussed motivation several times throughout my blogs and it comes down to this. No matter where you go don’t forget why you started competing in the first place. This isn’t the end and you need to use that motivation to continue to drive through the next level. If your motivation was solely to make it then find new motivation that is internal to who you are and not just something that can be checked off a list. Remember the reason that you first touched that ball, think about why you kept playing and remember that often. Set goals that at first may seem unachievable and constantly work towards them. Find ways and meanings that will constantly make you fall in love with playing and the sport all over again. While you are living your dream some days will feel like nightmares and getting back to why you love what you do in the first place can make all the difference in the long run.

Congratulations on making it thus far in your journey. People across the world would give anything they have be in your position, so don’t take that for granted. Remember that no matter what happens you cannot stop striving to be the greatest you can be, this is just  a moment , not the end.

Self-esteem Vs Self efficacy

Something that I have seen getting confused a lot lately is the difference between self-esteem and self efficacy especially when it comes to building confidence and how we praise. I just wanted to post a short abridged version in hopes that it clears up the differences.

One of my favorite quotes has always been “hard work beats effort when effort fails to work hard”. If that is true then why is it that our society is so focused on building self-esteem rather than praising the effort and hard work people put in to be truly great?

Let’s start with a few definitions for clarification:

Self-esteem is essentially your feelings of self-worth. This leads us to associate what we accomplish to be a part of who we are .

Self-efficacy is your perceived ability to perform a task. This is your confidence in getting a performance done.

Why does this even matter to your growth in performance?

We often work to build self- esteem by praising the end result and giving credit to “fixed” qualities ( “you’re so athletic” “ you’re smart”  or “you’re talented “ but rarely praise the effort and strategies that were used to create the success. When an athlete has a successful performance and they credit that success to fixed qualities they have a much harder time with failure and lose. One of our most vital ways to build confidence is persuasion from others. When people are constantly telling us that we are “smart”, we are “talented”, we start to associate that with our self-identity, we see that as who we are and what we have to offer. When we fail its very common to associate those failures as a part of who we are and global and not a temporary moment that we can overcome. However if we spend just as much time ( or even more) praising the effort and strategies used to be successful then even when we fail we know what can be fixed and that we have the capability to do it. We don’t associate failure as a part of who I am but rather just a part of the process and are better mentally capable of bouncing back better than before.

We should not be using the praising of effort as a new method to build self-esteem but as a way to increase effort and self-efficacy.  By no means is effort the only answer to success but it is the key to mastery and growth. If we remember the process and the hard work as we perform, whether we succeed or fail, we can bounce back and continue our journey to greatness.


Supporting your injured athlete

Being injured sucks, we all know that, but sometimes when we are not the one working through the injury we often fail to sympathize with injured and can often leave them feeling worse. It is by no means that we do that intentionally but life keeps moving and sometimes we leave people behind. However, it is very crucial to the athlete working through the injury to have a strong support network that will ultimately help them heal faster and get back to the competition soon.

Far too often I have athletes tell me how they feel alone or as if they have little to no support helping them through the process. The reality is, most people don’t understand how to help, even if they have recovered from injuries before. I have compiled a list of  what I find to be some of the most helpful tips and pointers to remember so that you can be supportive in helping your athlete, your teammate, your friend fully recovers and return to what they love to do.

  1. Injured athletes often go through the same grieving process as someone who is dealing with a death.

I’m not going to go into the entire grieving process but it is very important to realize that athletes may be in denial sometimes or depressed and may take time to accept. If someone is a true athlete, their sport is a part of their self-identity and, even if just temporary being injured is like losing a core piece of who you are. It is much easier said than done to not let it get them down. Be patient and understanding the emotional roller coaster your athlete may be going through.

  1. High levels of stress and anxiety prolongs the healing process.

It is very common for injured athletes to experience extreme levels of fear, depression, anxiety and anger. Be understanding of that emotional roller coaster. The more stress that we are under the longer it takes our bodies to heal ad recover. Stress has an impact on every aspect of our body and slows down the healing process or can hinder a full recovery. Do not put added pressure on them to heal and return to the game and remind them that their bodies need time.

  1. Keep them involved.

Do not let the injured athlete feel like they are being isolated and like they are no longer apart of the sport just because they are injured. Find creative ways to keep them involved. That may be making them a captain, allowing them to do some practice coaching, letting them participate in noncontact practice drills or giving them a special role that doesn’t feel like just busy work. Still allow them come to practice, be in the huddles, travel to away games and take part in team activities so they can have as much of that connection as possible.

  1. Set outside goals.

Help them think about life outside of the sport and consider things they want to accomplish. This could be items on their bucket list or academic goals but whatever it may be by setting new goals you are allowing the athlete to continue their competitive nature and channel it into something else. The sport will temporarily not be the center of their world and this is the best time to try and grow in other aspects of your life.

  1. Tryout new hobbies with the athlete.

Encourage your athlete to be willing to try new things and hobbies and most importantly be willing to go with them so they don’t feel alone. This allows for the athlete to get their mind off of the sport for a little while and find something else they may be passionate about. Take a painting class, cooking class or search for a local meet up in the area. Sports often consume our lives as an athlete and while that is temporarily not an option it is the perfect time for athletes to discover what else they may be interested in.

  1. Talk to them about how they are doing outside the sport.

When an athlete is injured most of their daily conversations are surrounded around the injury. They are constantly being asked how they feel and when they will return and this is not helping them heal. While these conversations often come from a good place it just causes more stress. Talk to them about anything else as often as possible, that doesn’t mean ignoring their injury, but show them you care about them as a person and not just them as an athlete.


Dear Parents: Are you applying to much pressure?



While parents often have the best of intentions when it comes to their athletes, sometimes they can be unintentionally adding too much pressure. That added pressure can lead to a decrease in performance as well as a decrease in the overall enjoyment of the sport. Before we get to much into it we must first define what pressure means because it can commonly misused. Pressure is the perception that something is at stake depended solely on the outcome of the performance. This means that not only is pressure in your head it creates stress that is counterproductive to your performance and manifest both psychologically and physiologically. The following are the 3 most common sources of pressure that parents put on their athletes and how to prevent it.


I know that it may seem crazy that support can add pressure to an athlete but is that way that we give support that can be counterproductive. The athlete must know that your support and love are not contingent on how well they perform but that you are their number one fan no matter the outcome. It is important to not teach them that your interactions will differ if they fail. Pressure creates stress and the more stress that we are under the more we resort back to our most basic needs, in this case, fear of abandonment. The athlete is more likely to move away from focusing on automatic execution and be more focused on how they look and how others are judging them. Be as equally supportive when they fail or fall short as you would be when they succeed and remind them that you support them no matter what they do.



Growing up my parents would often reward me for having a good game or based on my stats and while that was motivating at first, when I did have an off game in it created too much anxiety. When a reward is contingent solely on how we perform it increases our stress levels and causes counterproductive anxiety. It can eventually lead to lack of sportsmanship and the desire to cheat or be overly competitive so that they can receive the reward. If the reward is not met on a consistent basis or removed from the equation it can lead to a lack of effort. It can also lead to a breakdown in confidence if they fail to meet the qualifications for their reward, even if they still made improvements or performed well. I was often paid for points scored in a game which would turn my focus solely towards points and neglected how many rebounds, steals or assists that I had or that we won the game. It is okay to reward athletes for doing a good job and working hard but it should not be used as a motivator prior to the performance especially for long terms.



Rivalry is a huge creator of pressure especially when it is created by others. In this case, sibling rivalry will be the focus. One of the most basic human needs is to fit into a group and when you fuel a sibling rivalry you are creating a ranking system among the group which is counterproductive for performance. If the athlete feels that this imaginary competition is going to affect the “ranking system” within their group, which should be a safe space, they are constantly going to feel like they must prove themselves for the wrong reason which creates more pressure. Don’t get me wrong, competition is a good motivator, but when it effects wants rather than needs. We want to win awards and games, we need to feel valued with in our family. If they are constantly trying to prove their value they are not focused on their performance. To prevent this from happening constantly encourage individuality among your athletes and praise them as individuals not in comparison to each other.


Be careful not to create too much unnecessary pressure for your athlete, it can eventually lead to burnout.



It was like clockwork; my palms would sweat, my stomach would cramp so bad I felt sick, my heart would race out of control to the point I couldn’t even hear, I couldn’t even think straight. Butterflies. Everything that I had been conditioned to believe was that those feelings meant I was nervous and that I was so unprepared that I never wanted the game to start. I couldn’t understand it; I loved playing basketball probably more than anything else in the world but the way I saw my pregame jitters I could convince myself that I never wanted to touch that court again. That’s where it got confusing to me; my body was telling me I was nervous, so I thought I was nervous, but as soon as I got on the court and played through those feelings I was in the zone. If they weren’t there, I wasn’t mentally there in that game. I began to realize that if I started a game calm I wasn’t ready and my performance suffered every single time. It made no sense; if I have butterflies I’m good to go, if I’m calm I’m not ready? I had to train myself to just accept that those butterflies were what my body needed to play. They were just there and I stopped dedicating my attention to them.

As I got older I learned that those “nervous” feelings my body was going through before each game weren’t telling me that I wasn’t ready, they were telling that I was. Every sensation we have been conditioned to interpret as unprepared can just as easily be interpreted as being prepared. We must condition ourselves to realize that these physiological changes are simply our body getting ready for something that is important to use. Our body knows what matters to us and it has to get ready for game time too. The sweaty palms were my body cooling down, my stomach was cramping because the digestive system was shutting down so that that energy could be used somewhere else in my body and my heart was racing because it was busy pumping blood to my muscles so when game time came I was ready to perform. Just like we warm up and get our minds right my body had its own pregame routine to make sure that I was ready to go physiologically.

The sooner we become mindful of what our bodies are trying to tell us, the easier it is to interpret those physiological sensations in a more effective way. When we realize how we feel when we perform our best, we can use it to our advantage and help boost our confidence. I stopped playing a long time ago but I have the same feeling whenever I get up to teach, or do any performance for that matters. My stomach gets upset, my heart races and my palms sweat. Now however, instead of seeing those butterflies as meaning I’m nervous or I’m not ready, I see them as it meaning that I’m prepared ultimately making me even more confident than I was before. Those butterflies now make me excited because I know that my body is pregaming too. If those butterflies ever become too overwhelming, I know to take control, get them all flying in the same direction and trust that my body has my back. I embrace those butterflies.